Today.. i found a friend of mine crying over a relationship problem. It was no surprise so see someone cry about this as it is hard to take it for a girl.
She is a girl that knows my story and i know hers as well.. To be honest.. both of our problems are pretty much similiar to each other.. so both of us can easily understand each other's situation.
I went an comfort her a little bit.. after awhile the tears stopped.. then she asked me a very interesting question.. which i find it hard to answer for myself.. She said..
'How can you stay so strong??'
I've been doing alot of thinking on my journey back home.. so girl, im going to answer that question right now.. Im not only to answer this question for her.. but to everyone else who is reading this blog and felt the same way as i do..
I have various of different answer.. and im going to come at it all out..
1. Im wearing a fake smiling mask. Yes, i will be honest.. NO ONE in this world can cure the pain of losing someone or something that you cherish in just a few days. If that person is FINE with it is either he/she doesnt cherish that thing that much or he/she is wearing a fake mask. NO ONE in this world is strong enough to width stand such pain and lost.
2. I dont want everyone else to get emo along as well. Im not sure about this answer but i believe that when one person get emo.. the sensative ones will.. some might even get pissed due to the contantly emo-ness serroundings. (I am one of them)
3. I have a positive thinking that something good will happen to me one day. Keep a positive thought is always a great way to cure the pain in one's heart. Keep a strong positive thought and everything will soon go away. Telling urself positive stuffs works as well. XD And having this positive actions can REALLY bring something good to you someday! XD (no kidding) This proves that what we learn in Critical Thinking are REAL! XD
4. I have great jokers around me. You know Ivan and Max? They are great jokers! XD And since im a idiot like them.. i always spend time with them laughing our asses off with what stupid things we said or do. XD They are also my good friends.. which understands me pretty well. They dont bring up things that reminds me of 'her'. Getting to know some jokers that understand you really helps. I have to say they are awesome friends.. X)
5. I have my ways of keeping my thoughts away. Sometimes.. u have a thought that you HATE the person right? Everyone has it actually.. but it depends on how we release. Mine is through play guitars, listening to HAPPY music (no emo! dont ever listen to emo musics when ur already emo! XD) and playing video games (that why u see me holding PSP all the time.)
6. I do or act anything that can make me see or think of her. Dont ever do this.. this is just my way.. i avoid 'her' these days so that i wont wanna get angry or sad when i look at 'her'. As my emotion are very unstable.. i tend to BURST very easy.. a small slight thing can make me very angry and ppl around me will suffer. So i avoid 'her' as much.. ignore 'her' as well.. I repeat dont do this! DONT EVER DO THIS!
I think thats all.. I guess this are good enough to explain and answer your question. X)
There are times that one can get sad or burst into anger.. girls burst into tears but guys burst into hatred.. No one can bear with it forever.. one day the emotion will burst. Just today.. i just faced my first anger burst.
While playing ping pong i tend to get very serious.. at one point that i was getting so serious.. my grip towards the bat is getting tighter and tigher. I tend to smash every moment. Until a certain point my grip lost control and my face started turning red. Alot of people were looking at me.. and they thought something is going on. I almost injured a girl.. I cant take it anymore and i quickly escape from the room and calm myself at the corner.
Then Ivan, Faris, Wai Sin and Max came and comfort me. I cant really explain to them face to face.. Im very sorry that i had them worried about me.. i shall can explain to them through here..
I was angry.. I have thoughts about her again.. i kept thinking back what all the things that i have done for her. Cheering her up.. listening to her problems.. calling her up to make her happy.. spamming her walls to keep her entertain.. then i think again.. after what all i have done.. i get NOTHING but a broken heart!
Why am I not that one that she cares!? Why am I not the one who she will come when she have a good news or bad news!? Why am I not the one who is closer than anyone else she have around her!? WHY!?
What i think is.. she basicly dont care! What i did for her is meaningless to her as many other guys do that to her everyday! I just some average guy to her! And NOW what i get is nothing but ignorance from her! WHAT THE FUCK!
Its already day 6. Still no respond.. Im not surprise..
I can bear with this life.. I wont die.. Dont worry.. X)