It was sunday school again but this time is problely the most EMO sunday of all.. Early in the morning my mom keep naging me the hole way to sunday. She keeps saying that i am the one who make my sis cant focus on studying (my sis is taking SPM) because my PS2 made a lot of noisy voices. My mom is a very powerful argue-ing fighter so i cant really counter her back even a bit. This was the first thing that made me emo..
I didnt really listen to my mother naging at all besides im kinda used to her naging already, is been the past 10 years listening to her naging. While my mom was naging i was kinda thinking of something else other that listening to her. I was thinking for how many days that i left in sunday school.. And also how many days that im going be with "her".. This was the second thing that made me emo..
When i reached sunday school, i slowly walk towards the hall. Then i saw SueSan, John, Munwai, Charmaine, PeiYin and also Justin serounded by kids. Then i remember that they were having a Sayonare Children Camp which i wasnt in. I saw all of them having fun with other people for other school and didnt even notice about me. I fell kinda left out and indeed sad.. I just walk away without seeing them a sight at all.. that was the third thing that i was emo-ing about..
After that i sit at the counter infront of the hall, doing the timetable and planings about the camp that i was organizing. Is was kinda hard thinking it alone.. Besides that i still felt kinda left out.. i watched all of them having fun but i was only sitting a side thinking all by myself.. Then all fo them break camp (means leave the camp) cos that sunday was also prize giving day and the champions of the hymm singing must perform on stage which is our class. All of them just walk pass the counter without looking abt me! I was angry and also furious.. this is the fourth emo reasons..
A few minutes later Justin came down and ask bro.Ronnie where am i. I was only sitting a few cm anway from him only but he cant even see me! I was twice angrier than before. Bro.Ronnie point to him wher am i, then Justin call me to go up with this words. "Oi! Every body is waiting for you up stair la. Faster la!" That made even furious. So I answered :"F*ck them only la.." Justin reaction change and he was kinda pissed at me. He just walk away and dont even bother abt me. Then i suddenly realize that i said something wrong. So i quick pack my stuffs and head to class..
When i entered the calss John, Justin, SuiLun, JoonMing, YanLeng, MunWai, XinYi, YeeSeen, PeiYin and also CheeWei was inside there. This means SueSan and Charmaine is not joining us anymore. I was cooling myself down and hope i dun say anything bad again. So i sit down and wait. All of them are not reacting for any training before the performants!! PeiYin and John are just sribling the whiteboard, the other are just chit chating around. Some of them are just waiting also. I kinda angry cos they called me up and just made me sitting down aside again.. Is this some kind of joke? I was burning up again but still i wanted to cool myself down. So i just try to make my move and call all of them to just practice of a while. Luckily every one listened, but just a few people are still sribling the white board. I wanted to shout but i mayb shout out bad words again. So i just keep it a side the others sing.
it was abt the time to go down and perform. But still we havent told anybody the prize of the camp, so i called every one of us to stay and then explain to them. Justin didnt really get the full prize yet! I was dissapoined and its the last day to tell them abt it. Justin just simply made a price an tell them. Even knw its kinda bad to simply tell them the prize but is the only way to make them join the camp. Every body went down after that..
Evert body went down except me, CheeWei and SuiLun cos we are carrying the keyboard. Every body have place them self in the hall and me, CheeWei and SuiLun have to carry the keyboard up stage. We siting down and then slowly put the wires and everything ready except for the plug cos there was only one plug and the radio plug has just taken it. We thought i was important so we just put the plug a side until it was our turn. I leave the rest to CheeWei and SuiLun. I went back down the stage and join the others. I thought that i was going to have a chance to talk to "her" since it was my second last day, but then my "going" was taken away by John. John and "her" some how talk a lot compare to how much i talked to "her". I dun wanna disturb them abt their conversation so i just leave them a side and slowly let them continue their chit chating. I was kinda jealous or mayb i was really jealous...
When it sit with the others no one talked to me at all! And i cant stop staring the both of them chating. This means im really jealoused. I cant standing it so i walked out of the hall and sit beside my sister. Even knw it was boring but still i was the only way to stop my jealousy.. It was way to boring so i decided to go for a walk around the school alone.. I pass by a roti man so i mind as well buy some bread for me and my sis , since shes been studying so hard and so time to eat. I walk back to the hall and i was out turn already.
All of us went up the stage and get into our stanting positions. Remember the plug? Yup it was time to plug in the plug but somthing happend. Some how the plug just cant go into the plug hole! CheeWei and SuiLun tried their best to plug in but it still cant work. I was like abt 3 minutes on stage just trying to plug in the cable, so i decided to sing wihtout the keyboard. It was time to sing.. We singing kinda well but not as well as we did in the competition.. but still we did it smoothy..
After that, all of us get back to our place. Me, CheeWei and SuiLun continue packing up the keyboard. When three of us are finish we get to the the seats that everybody was sitting. The same thing happend again, no one talked to me... and also both of them continues chating on. Like usual, sitting down alone makes me think of other things. That time i was thinking the days that i was in school, the days and times that i have fun espeacially on thursday. My friends my teacher everybody.. Deep inside my heard was saying: "I missed school.. i missed school very much.. " The my mind is back to reality when my sis it me on the back, then i remember that she was taking going to take a prize and she wants me to take a picture of her. She gave me the camera and just walk off.
Then i continue emo-ing a side.. both of them are still talking.. i cant standing it anymore so i decided to go forward and talk to the others. I was good that i manage to think of talking to them but things wasnt good at all. Everybody continues to chit chating each other including of them. My brain was commanding my mouth to talk, but the eye's soghts has intrupted the brain's command. I give up.. Mayb both of us are not meant to be.. mayb is hould stop counting days and rethink my life.. Then my sis approach to me with her hands of prize. Then i suddenly realise that i forgotten to take the picture. She was angry and she hit me on the head really hard. My temper was to the maximum!!! I was so freaking pissed i shout on her. Then i push the chairs, grab my bag and just walk away.
I was sitting some where in the school thinking.. I may have no fate or luck at all.. I losted my best friend and now i losted "her".. Whats goign to happend next? Losing my selg? Losing my confident? Losing my friends? it was painful then tear started falling on my cheeks.. I was crying seriosusy crying.. and then i said to my self :" I give up.." It was my first 15th years old tears.. and also my 15th years old bad memory.. One big awful memory..
Then i remember that i was holding a pack of bread for my sister. I rub away my tears and stand back up. Slowly walking abt to the hall.. i saw sis and just give her the pack of bread and walk bag intothe hall and back to my alone sit. When i was walking in everybody was staring at me mayb cos the incident before.. The MunWai appoarch to me and gave me a long talk. Then later SuiLun joins into the conversation. It was a really long talk.. but it was just MunWai and SuiLun talking i was just sitting now listening to them... MunWai's talks made me cool down and my temper was back to the usual.. After the long talk it was time to go home..
Back home i didnt even touch my PS2 and just lie down on the bed.. And wish that all of this is a dream.. i nightmare that issint real at all. But after i woke up again.. i realise it is a reality but still i remember MunWai's talk. So i decided to give fate a last chance, and is also the final chace for this year.. I shall bet this final chance on the coming Teenagers Camp. If i lose my chance in this bet i shall give up all my hope and forget about it..
