For this blogpost, i will not mentioning names.. I shall be describing the girl of my first confession as 'first' and then second one (who is the main character of this story) as 'second'. I like to keep things alittle private and mysterious. XP Oh and pre-warned that this is going to be one hell of a long post.. Therefore the entire story will be split into multiple parts (roughly around 5 parts or lesser, depending on my mood)
If you are interested in knowing 'The First Confession' story.. Here is the link for you to start reading from part one. Fear not, the story of the first doesnt have much relation to the second one.. So, not reading the first one is fine. (but of course, it would be better and nicer of you if you were to read it! XD)
The Story of The First:
I have received tremendous amount of good comments & feedbacks about my first confession story. I must say, im very thankful and greatful to all of you that put the effort to give me feedbacks and actually spend the time to read such a long story with bad grammers in it. XD Some of you guys are wanting to hear the second story of my second confession to this second special girl who is very dear to me. Probably because some of you guys already know who is she and you guys just really want to know what has been going on between both of us so far. But I remember to tell you guys to wait until the right time and lucky for u guys, the right time happened and so, I decided to write share this story of my second confession. Brace yourself cause this is going to be another long long long story. XD
Its funny that just last year i shared the story about my very first confession to you guys.. And now, couple of months later here I am again sharing with you guys another story. You guys probably think that Im like a playboy or love-boy-jumper or something like that now. XD Before you guys start judging me as an easy-heart change-desperate-lover-boy-jumper (i dont even know what im talking about here.) Read this ENTIRE story first. After the story, then you are granted the permission to judge me. XP
So how did I know 'second'? Well, first to make the story much more longer, we shall talk about how we both knew the existance of each other. XD Through both of our discussions, and according to her, its more like she knew my existence first before I knew hers. From her side of her story, how she knew my existance was from the time when i was still into 'first'. Back when I was in high school form 2, i will sometimes sneak out from class during breaks and visit 'first' in her classroom just to spend more time with her. 'Second' was in the exact same class as the 'first' that time and thats how she knew my existence. And that how she knew my existence but thats just her side of the story.. To be honest, neither of us know whether that story is true or not BUT it is true that 'second' was in the same class as 'first' back then. (double checked it using school book. XD)
Now, my side of the story on how I know her existence is alittle bit different.. To be exact, someone kinda-indirectly-introduced me to her. It wasnt like any kind of introduce like "Hi YuMing, meet (fill in the name here)". Oh no no no.. Its was more like a threatening kind of introduce. Just like 'first', 'second' was a pretty popular girl as well in high school (I didnt know anything about it until I came to have feelings for her. XP) One very normal day in high school years, a guy came up to me and had a talk to me. That guy was in my primary school and I never really liked him due to his pathetic attitude. Anyways, he told me to stay away from 'second' and ask me to leave her alone. (To be honest, i am not very sure about this part.. it was long time ago so my memory about it is kinda fuzzy.. XP) He probably had a misunderstanding about me and 'second'. I didnt even know who is 'second' or how she look like until I asked my friend about it. Again, I was into 'first' so i didnt bother paying much attention to 'second' that time. XP
I may not clearly remember the day that I know the existence of 'second' but im pretty sure how we sort of, officially became friends. How we became friends happen after 'first' rejected me.. It was roughly around form 3 (one year after the rejection). The move on period.. the period where Im trying to find myself again.. The time when I was trying adept into a single life and start another new search for another someone to be interested again. Back then, I made a friends with a couple of librarians and sometimes after school when i dont feel like walking home or just dont feel like going home, I will stay back and accompany my librarian friends during their library duties. Yeap, u guessed it, 'second' was a librarian.. and coincidencely, her librarian duties are the same day as my friends.
Now my first impression of her was, she is a hardworking girl that will spend half of her time studying.. That is because most of the time during the library duties, she will be either doing her homework or studying or reading something. So sometimes, when my friends are not around.. I will try and initiate a conversation with her just to distract her from her studies. Which leads to my second first impression of her, quiet. She was probably one of the very few girls which I have a tough time having a continuous conversation with. Continuous conversation as in a back and forth conversation that you will ask me something, I answer, we talk about the question, bring up a topic to talk related to it, then a new topic will rise conversation will continue. When that conversation is over I will ask you something, you answer and the recycle repeats. The first few time talking to her was kinda tough, cause when I ask a question, she will answer and the conversation will just end after she answers. And I will keep on asking her questions or start up new topics until there is an awkward silent between both of us. Basically, she just doesnt know or probably dont want to start a topic/conversation with me. I guess it was probably hard for her to open up all in a sudden to a strange, weird, annoying guy who likes disturb her during her study time. XD
Despite how difficult it is to talk to her, i somehow find this girl interesting and fun to talk to. Making her talk and share alittle bit more about herself was like an achievement to me like "YES, finally getting this girl out from her comfort zone!" XD After awhile, I found out that she walks home too as she lives pretty close to the school. And coincidencely, she walks the same way as I am when im walking home. Which gives us both alittle more time to talk each other and more importantly, more time for me to know her. XP
I remember one of the interesting topics and also one of the first few topics that we talk about was her name. Back then, I find her name was kinda hard to pronounce, and so whenever there was an awkward silent between us, I will start learning how to pronounce her name infront of her and at the same time crack a joke about her name as well. (Now that i think of it, its a pretty stupid move to make fun of a friend's name whom u just get to know) Her name was not really that hard to pronounce, it was just me who had a bad ability to remember and pronounce other people's name. Sometimes, I even asked my other librarian friends on how to pronounce her name again, so that the next time we talk I wont start off pronouncing her name wrongly. XD
Like i said before this, that time was the time when im trying to look for someone else to be interested in. And I was pretty bad at those kind of things (even until today) cause all my life I was only interested in 'first' and no one else. Therefore, I have no experience or no idea how to get to like another person again. And I was weak back then (even until today. XD) little little things also will get me emo. So sometimes, I get heart broken by some of the girls who i tried to go for (funny thing is that i never confessed to them nor did they even rejected me and i will get emo over it) And when Im emo, I will always find a place where I can be comfortable and alone which is the library. So one very normal day, like any other day, I was alone being emo in the library after school and then she came up to me and talked to me. That is probably one of the first few times that she actually initiate a conversation with me. Later i found out that this girl maybe quiet and all, but she is a very caring friend. Talking to her about my problems made me feel alittle bit better every time. Instead of trying to make her open up herself to me, she made me open up myself to her which brings both of alittle more closer to one another. After that day, I know that she is a caring friend who I can express and share some of my problems with. X)
Another one of the first few impression of her was she is a fragile girl. In other words, a very innocent girl or in more not-so-nice term, weak. I was afraid if i explode infront of this girl she will get scared and run away. Or if i poke her too hard she will break like a piece of glass. (I really dont know how to explain here. DX) So, whenever im around her, I will be alittle bit more mindful and careful with the words im saying. I was afraid that if i swear, say something vulgar or rude, she will freak out and leave me alone. (seriously) Later i found out that she only have sisters and no brother. I never had a younger brother nor a sister before (cause im the youngest in the family) So, since we are pretty close to each other and I had the impression that she is an innocent fragile girl, I start treating her more like little sister than a normal friend.(Which starts up the bad habit of me patting other people's head. XD)
As days, months and a year went by (which brings us to the year when i was form 4) Both of us became alot closer to each other. Talking to her was much more easier compared to the first time but still one thing will never change is that there are still awkward silent/pause moments between both of us. (this thing will still happen even until today. XD) Sometimes when i have the time to skip classes during break time, i would visit my friends from other classes. And I would sometimes, take a U-turn to her class, sneak in if there are no teacher in the class and disturb her from her study moments again. XD After knowing her for a year, I found out that this girl can be playful and funny at times. And she is very mentally strong and independent girl cause she is a very religious christian. Probably a much more mentally stronger person and a more independent person compared to me. XP
So how did I fell for her? Well, to be honest, a friend of mine, Nat is the one who somehow made me realize that I have feelings for her. Funny story.. There was once that she was going to USA to visit her sister. And for some reason, I made a pretty big deal about it. Big deal NOT in a bad way not like "Owh, i forbid you to go.." something like that, no no no.. it was more like an OVERLY caring way. She was going to USA for just a couple of days or weeks (i forgotten) but I treated it like it was a big deal and all. I treated it such a big deal to the extend that I wrote a blog about it. Yeah, that crazy. Nat reads my blog and one day he came to me and said that its very strange and crazy of me to blog about someone due to something THIS small. (me and Nat have been friends since primary, so he knows me pretty well.) And that blog post was not like easy going, cincai writting kind of blog post, its like i've putted in alot of effort and feelings writing that blog post. (which is true after reading it again) He said that he thinks I probably have feelings for her.
At first, I said to myself that it couldnt be feelings.. could it? Cause from what I know, 'second' was kinda different compared to 'first' but okay, lets not go to the extend and compare both of them. The main point is that, 'second''s personality was very different from mine. (that is according to my friend's feedback and according to my own understanding) But after doing some thinking and did some asking to my heart instead of my head, I realize that the way that im treating 'second' is the same as the way as I was treating 'first' when I had feelings for her. And the comfortable feeling when Im with her and the thought of wanting to spend more time with her was definitely not only-friend kind of thing. With that, my heart gave me an answer, yes.. I have developed feelings for her.
TO BE CONTINUE.
Read Part 2