Heres alittle story before i get into the topic that im about to talk about. This is a true story that happened to me quite awhile ago.. And yes, its very related to this topic.
It was one day are uni, me and my friends are deciding wear to eat our lunch. We always have this problem on deciding stuffs. In the end, i push and persuade my friends to go sunway pyramid to have our lunch. They were quite reluctant cause the food there are not under our budget and we have to drive there but still, in the end we all decided to go there. Now, the reason why i persuaded them to go there is because i have a dear friend who is working there and its been awhile i've seen her. Hopefully, if i go there i get to spend sometime with her.
So we all head to sunway and the first thing i did was persuade one of my friend, Eugene who was more familiar the place than i am, to bring me to Adidas (cause she is working there) and inside i was very excited to meet her cause she was one of my dear friends back when i was in HELP and we really spend alot of memories together. I went there, entered Adidas and she was sooo excited to see me which really made me happy. She then asked me whether i can stay back until 8pm at night so that she can hang out with me cause during that time she just finish her lunch break and she is pretty busy.
Now, normally i would ask my friends to stay back and hang out with me until the time but that time, we are all at the the peak of our busy point. It was 3 weeks away from our final exams and we have like 5 more assignment of programming to submit before the finals. The choice that i should made is pretty obvious, to say 'no' but like a idiot and just because she was a dear friend of mine, i said 'yes' and i'll wait for her. She smiled and said that she will see me soon. That moment, all i want is to see her smile and feel all excited to hang out with me.
So, after having lunch with my friends and hanging out at sunway pyramid for alittle while longer, they all went back home and i left myself there at sunway pyramid alone waiting for the time to past. I went over to Mcd, turn on my computer and start doing something programming instead of wasting time. While i was doing programming, at the same time i was imaging what awesome things that we could talk about when we hang out later? How much of a good time we can both have during that short couple of hours? I was really making my self excited.
Around 7pm, i left Mcd with a pretty hungry stomach (i know i just had lunch with my friends but i become hungry very quickly) but i was expecting a dinner with her at the moment. I started walking around sunway pyramid alone cause i didnt want to hang out around Adidas to pressure her or make myself look like a stalker. Plus, i remembered she said that after work around 6pm she have to attend a friend's birthday at TGIFridays. After the birthday, she said she would call and then come and hang out with me. So, i told myself not to rush so much, just hang out around sunway until she calls.
It was 8pm and i was still waiting alone. I told myself, "Its okay, its a birthday event, i wouldnt end that fast. Plus, its malaysia time so the event probably would start later.". I continue waited.. Then it was 9pm and that point i was start to get hungry but still no phone calls from her. Again, i told myself "Its okay, she will call she said she would. Again, its a birthday party event. It wouldnt end that early. Just keep waiting." So, i continue waiting.. until 9.30pm, i started to get alittle worried.
Im travelling back home by bus and at the time like 9.30pm its pretty difficult to get a bus ride back home, plus its kinda dangerous. I lied to my parents telling them that im stay back at my uni with my bunch of friends doing our programming assignments.. even with the lies, my parents are still very worried. So, i decided to call her. After giving her 3 miss calls which obviously she didnt pick up, i decided to give it another try and wait for another 30minutes. I was hoping that she saw the miss calls and called me back when she notice it. Even if shes out of credit, i was really hoping that she could borrow a phone from a friend to call me back or something. So stupidly me, i kept on waiting..
It was 10pm, i didnt want to leave the place without telling her good bye or something. So i gave her another call.. After about 8 miss calls, she still hasnt pick up her phone neither did she call back. At that point, i completely lost my patience and decided to held back home.. alone, without seeing her and with a empty stomach. I waited for the bus until 10.30pm, head back to KJ station around 11pm, called my parents to pick me up and finally reached home around 11.20pm. My parents scold me for staying back so late and troubling them and i have cook my own dinner..
Before going to bed, i tell myself.. maybe she would have saw the number of miss calls by now. So I waited.. and waited and waited.. Hopefully i would get a phone call back or a text message.. Hoping that she would apologize and give me an explanation.. I wait and wait and wait.. in the end i feel asleep. The next morning when i wake up, i immediately check my phone and still there are no message. I was angry and pissed (should have felt that way earlier) so i send her a text message, telling her that i've been giving her phone calls and waited at sunway alone unitl 10pm.
After awhile, she finally replied a message around afternoon time, after one of my class ended. She apologize and said that she didnt pick up the phone cause it was in vibrate mode and she didnt reply or call me is because her phone has no more credit. It was both the reason that i've predicted.. I was angry and furious. I have a million of things that i want to tell her. But just because she was someone dear to me.. i didnt scold her or tell her how did i actually feel. Instead, i send her a message saying "Its okay..".
Pretty sad story eh? This kind of things usually happens to me. (i really dunno why) If you were in my shoes, how would you have reacted? Will you burst into flames and told her off or you do the same thing that i did? This is just one of those things that happen to me, but this is probably the most serious one that i ever had.
When i told my friends about this, they gave themselves a big nice face palm and said that im very naive. Just because that person is a girl or that person is someone special to me, i shouldnt just like give in. Its not like they will give a damn about how you feel anyways. They will most probably wont put the effort to find out or figure out as well. It will only end up hurting myself again and again and again.. They said that i should fight back, express myself, give them alittle taste on how i feel. That way people wouldnt simply take advantage of you and know that your not the kind of guy that they should simply mess with.
Lets say you planned to go out with someone, and she says yes.. you are sooo pumped about it and you cant wait for that time to come! But when the time come, the very last minute, she said that she couldnt make it due to some reason.. All she did was a valid reason.. what would you react to? Me? i'll probably say the word "Its okay.."
Or maybe a text message that was not replied, like lets say both of you are having a nice conversation and your at the point that your actually enjoying to have conversation with her, then suddenly she just stops replying. And you yourself kept on wondering what have you done wrong? So, you flip back the message that you send and read it over and over and over again. You realized you didnt write anything funny or wrong, what did you do next? You wait.. and wait.. and wait.. and wait.. every 5 minutes you will check your phone over and over and over again.. cause you know, your desperate.
The next morning, you went to school and you bumped into her. She didnt say anything about the text conversation that you all had last night and you both just did your 'hi' and 'bye' thing and continue on with the direction that your walking. You will then start thinking of all the possibilities that why she didnt reply you. Did you REALLY write something wrong but didnt notice it yourself? Did she forgotten about the nice conversation that both of you had last night? More and more possibilities are running through your head.. In the end, you just tell youself "Its okay.." and let the recycle repeat itself..
Im afraid to do those 'Go scold her in her face and let her know how you feel' kind of things cause im afraid that i might offend someone or hurt someone. Words sometimes can really hurt.. But come to think of it. Maybe i should have my own stand. Maybe i should fight back. Maybe I should say something else instead of saying "Its okay..". Cause its not like the person will reply back a message and say "Im so sorry, lemme make it up to you" or something like that.. No, they never did! And thats really annoys me! After that, they will most probably never text or call back anymore. And its true what my friends said, its not like they really give a damn or put in the effort to know how did i feel.
One of the reasons why i dont 'fight back' or something similar to these kind of things, its because i believe in being nice guy. I believe that if your nice, you dont complain much, you dont expect anything, you will have something in return. And i always believe that there is definitely a reason behind these people are treating me these way. Maybe they are just as naive and lost as i am? Maybe they are doing it un-intentional? Maybe they really dont know i actually feel that way? Maybe i just be nice to them, they will treat me better? Maybe that way they would wanna talk or hang out to with me next time? Those are the things that i keep telling myself. But after going through all of these over and over again.. Im starting to doubt that, maybe nice people really do finish last.. my confidence of being a nice guy is slowly fading away or maybe, im just not a nice guy to being with? (which im most probably am not a nice guy)
Im really sorry that my blog spot sounds extremely emotional lately. I swear i dont mean it but these things just keep happening to me and i just really wanna let it out and let the world know about it. Some of you guys are probably annoyed of all these emo emo blog post. I sincerely apologize. I swear there are some cheerful which are still under draft mode in my blog list. I guess i just blog faster and better when i emo. Hopefully, something good will happen and i get to blog about it. Hopefully. XP