Before going Back to Hell Again

*I know this post should have been uploaded MANY MANY days but i've been really really busy/lazy so didnt have the time to edit and complete it. XP*

Maybe some of you dont know cause i never mention on my blog post before nor did i mention anything on my facebook. I only mention it in my twitter but no body cares anyways..

I have been on a holidays for about a month and a week long and right at this moment i am back to hell again. (Hell meaning my uni.. XP) Im expecting for my upcoming hell adventure again to be definately more and more difficult coding subjects. (hopefully its not.. DX)

That means i will and most probably spending lesser time at my blog spot already. And this blog is going to be dead for awhile.. BUT like i always say my twitter account will always be active cause of my portable handphone and plus with my PSP around i can simply just go online anytime as well. X)

So what did i really do on my holidays? I actually did alot of things compared to my previous holidays. I would say that this holiday that i had was kinda, productive. XP

The first and of course the BIGGEST thing i did during my holidays working.. I did workings when  i was on other holidays but it was never a committed working. The jobs that i work as on my other holidays are usually events which is usually like one to three days long. And the event jobs I do are usually not with my friends but my brother's friends who are way more cooler, elder and mature than me. (sometimes i just feel lefted out. XP) The work that i did for my recent holiday was really a committed job. It was like a everyday you have to show up to work at 8am in the morning and go back home at 6pm in the afternoon kind of job.

Before i go any furthur, i wanna thank my good old friend Choo-Zhen Whei for inviting me for this job and Lim Shu Mei for accompanying us as well. The job was fun with their accompany, the pay for the job was pretty darn good, not to mention the things that we have to do are pretty easy, which is some simple data entry stuffs. Plus, the snack that are provide there are delicious as well! We get to have like free milo, marz, snickers and cookies sometimes! The working time is very flexible as well. It like you can take a lunch break as long as you want but the draw back is that you dont get paid for the time that ur not around cause we are getting paid by hours. But that didnt affect me much anyways cause i usually dont have anyone inviting me for lunchs anyways.. Sometimes I think the job is a little bit too good to be true cause its aweseom! XD

Another thing that i did was having my very first high school reunion. Now, there was a high school reunion before these which was held after we got our SPM results but wouldnt consider that as a class reunion cause it was like not long after our SPM exams and everyone just started their college life and all. (some of them havent even started yet) I would actually call that a high school class dinner or a high school before college dinner or a high school farewell. But what I had for my recent holiday was really a high school reunion. X)

The last time i saw any of my high school friends before the event was at least a year ago. (plus plus plus) I did meet someone of them when i was helping my dad in the pasar malam but that was an on and off thing. I dont usually help my dad in pasar malam that often. Besides ever since Im in my uni days, I seldom and almost literally dont help my dad in the pasar malam already.

So, what can i say about the reunion? One word.. AWESOME. Meeting up with everyone else is just nice. About a quarter of our classmate show up but the ones that showed up are the awesome ones. We all sat down, chat and update each other while waiting for the other classmates to show up, chat even more when everyone arrive and was eating. We had alot and alot of updates with each other and also had alot of flashback talks like making impressions of our class teachers and telling stories of how we are the most hyper active class back when we are in high school. Those moments are just awesome.

I have a confession to make.. Everyone became beautiful.. Both guys and girls. XP

Had a Group Picture of our Hamster Impression. X)

After dinner at (i really dont remember whats the place called.. crap.. DX) we head to SK corner to have another hang out session. Then we had more and more and more chatting session. Lastly, after the supper time at SK we head over to Celine's house to play with something known as 'Chat Roulette'. It like skype where u can video chat with a RANDOM person who is online but like i say ur chatting with any RANDOM person who is using Chat Roulette that time, then u can click the next button and look for another person. Warning: You will see alot of nasty things on Chat Roulette, so highly recommend none open minded people to use it. XP

We did alot of extremely funny things with Chat Roulette. But im not going to expose anything that happen that night on Chat Roulette cause whatever happens there, stays there. (Its nothing serious.. Trust me. XP) Had alittle bit of chat session again, play poker cards and some youtube watching moments.. Finally, we all head back to back at around 3am in the morning. Totally worth it. X)

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So, High School Reunion and working.. what else did i do on my holidays? Lemme share to you a little fact about me, i never been to a friend's farewell, to be more specific its more send a friend of kind of farewell. Yeah, like you go to the airport, had dinner there and then watch the fella enter the air and fly.. yeah, that kind of farewell. It was my first time attending a friend's send off. XP

A friend of mine, Montri have to travel over to france to pursue his studies there. At first, i was not even close to the fella back in the days when i was in the same high school with him. All i know that he was this very funny guy who is studying in a pretty smart class. Those were my impression of him.. until i got skype and joined the group FOP (Fellowship of Pie), he was a extremely funny guy who is very out going as well. His always the 'jom lets go' guy in our group. What does that mean? Our FOP group may have alot of members but we all have our own busy times, so its pretty difficult to gather up people to do something. Lets say we are going to play a game and we need 4 people to make a full team, he will definately be one of them and say 'jom lets go'. Or lets say we are going for dinner, even know he had dinner already he will still say 'jom lets go'. Basically anything we do he will always be there to join us. X)

He might be there in France temporally but there is also the possibility that he might be there forever. So on the day that he was leaving to france, me and my other FOP friends decided to get him a last final farewell send off. Me, Tarvin, Nathanael and Chris drive all the way to the airport station. We had a farewell dinner together and it was fun talking about the things that we all did in the past like going out to mcd playing board games until late night or shouting and scold him on how noob he is in HON or sometimes, once in a blue moon compliment him on how well he in in HON. XD

Even know i've only known him pretty much recently, but it sure feel like there was a connection between both of us. After the dinner, we all head to the send off point and watch him walk thru the gates. Once Montri offically went off, we all are deciding to what to do next. Go for supper session? Go and play board games? Then, it got quiet.. cause it doesnt feel the same anymore.. Without another 'jom lets go' buddy around, it feels like we are short of one person. Calling people out to makan or play baord games is even more difficult cause Montri was usually the 4th member.. It was just not the same without him.. X(

It was my first and ever friend's farewell send off.. the feeling of sending one of  feels horrible (imagine the person ur sending off is a girl or someone you really love, it would definitely feel much worst.) but there was a little bit of proud-ness inside of me. Knowing that one of my friend is going all the way to france to pursue his studying, it a pretty big leap for him and as a friend im very proud of him. Not to mention all the hot france chicks his going to meet there. XD (he promise to get me one.)

No worries, the bastard is doing just fine over on the other side. Once in awhile he will call us thru skype to check on us. Sometimes, we use a pad which has skype and video call him during our events just to make him feel that his still right with side us. Plus, even know we cant play HON with anymore we can still play stupid Warcraft maps with him online. XD

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During the holidays and around the last week of my holidays after i finish my work, one of friends invited me to this very unique event. Its a flash/freeze mob parade to spread Breast Cancer Aware-ness organized by HELP students. (awesome~) Basically, its a parade where there will be like a marching group of people cheering and spreading breast cancer around Pusat Bandar Damansara area, then we will find a specific location around the area and do a freeze mob session. Now, i've done some flash mob and freeze mob, they are really fun to do!

Whats so special about this one is definately the parade marching thingy. We all have to wear pink-ish stuffs like pink shirt. And here is another little fact of me, i NEVER wore pink shirt before. Like NEVER in my whole entire life. Okay maybe i did.. but I never remember once which i WILLING wore a pink shirt myself.   That day, was an exception. They provide us with the pink ribbon name tag which represent the breast cancer aware-ness thingy and they provide us with pink gloves. One of the students (also one of the organizer) went all out, he wore pink wig which was super awesome. XD

The parade was pretty fun, we march and cheer around the area like nobody's business. And it a really nice thing to do. People notice us and ask what are we doing, we will spread papers around telling them what we are doing and putting up signs telling people about breast cancers and stuffs. it was fun!

For the freeze part was alittle bit short and alittle dissapointted. Maybe because i've been to alot of freeze mobs which was better than the one i had. To me the freeze mob that they had was alittle bit.. disorganized.. its like they are rushing and all. But still, everything went good. X)

Overall, the event was a success. I believe everything including myself had fun. It was a pretty good day to go back to visit HELP and meeting up with some of my juniors and friends. Its has been awhile since i last feel this much fun. Looking at others jumping around being hyper and all, sorta reminds me of me and my hyper active HELP friends back then. Ahhhh.. Those are the days, and probably the best days of my life so far. X)

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I had alot and alot of basketball session too during my holidays.. It feels like i was in high school again, the days when i was sooo into basketball that i literally go to basketball almost everyday. But now since im older, i will always try to limit myself to not injured and tired myself that often. So during the holidays (even not during the holidays) I will go play basketball with my younger cousins at the basketball court behind my house like about 2 to 3 times every week. Sometimes, i even promise to teman them and practice their shots with them. (such a good cousin brother i am. XD)

Im not very sure myself but alot of people think that im a very well played player. Like one of the top 10 players of the court behind my house. (fuiseh, perasaan~ but this is true, thats what they all say) My cousins also look up to me and say that they wanna be as good as me next time in the future. Those words really made me happy. Now, the main reason why I THINK im so good is because im can really really jump, rebound and slam dunk. They say im the ONLY person so far that i could slam behind the court. That made me alittle happy inside, cause when i was young i knew that i can jump cause many of my basketball friends told me so but i can never jump to the extend that i could slam dunk. After so long, i was finally able to do so and that just complete one of the many childhood goals in my life. XD

Since now my good old basketball friends are not around playing basketball with me like old time already, i've been playing basketball with new faces. Some of them are adults and most of them are kids. Well not really kids, like form 2 or form 3 or form 4 and some standard 4,5,6. Playing with them is hell alot of fun cause they are all nice people. Some of them are students from my high school, some of them are married and still love playing basketball, some of them are work in the morning market like my dad and some of them are christian who will come and play for fun after that sunday prayers. As for the kids, seeing them playing basketball is like seeing me growing up and play basketball. The kids may lose right now since they have some slight disadvantage but i told myself that these kids are going to good players in the future. Yeah, its like how my old basketball friends look after me and train me till how I am today. X)

Now that ONE freaking long post. Its been awhile since i last done one of these blog post.. So, basically these are the things that i did in my holidays, and its pretty productive. Half of the things that im talking about here is also my little stories and opinions as well.. Just wanna jumble all of them together in one blog post so i wont have to blog another one of my first boring emo opnion blog post. XP

Alright, hopefully that im not too lazy enough to blog about something else again.. seriously, i was 'this' close to forgetting that i have a blog post. amd its scary..DX XD

CHEERS!! XD

Fight Back?

Heres alittle story before i get into the topic that im about to talk about. This is a true story that happened to me quite awhile ago.. And yes, its very related to this topic.

It was one day are uni, me and my friends are deciding wear to eat our lunch. We always have this problem on deciding stuffs. In the end, i push and persuade my friends to go sunway pyramid to have our lunch. They were quite reluctant cause the food there are not under our budget and we have to drive there but still, in the end we all decided to go there. Now, the reason why i persuaded them to go there is because i have a dear friend who is working there and its been awhile i've seen her. Hopefully, if i go there i get to spend sometime with her.

So we all head to sunway and the first thing i did was persuade one of my friend, Eugene who was more familiar the place than i am, to bring me to Adidas (cause she is working there) and inside i was very excited to meet her cause she was one of my dear friends back when i was in HELP and we really spend alot of memories together. I went there, entered Adidas and she was sooo excited to see me which really made me happy. She then asked me whether i can stay back until 8pm at night so that she can hang out with me cause during that time she just finish her lunch break and she is pretty busy.

Now, normally i would ask my friends to stay back and hang out with me until the time but that time, we are all at the the peak of our busy point. It was 3 weeks away from our final exams and we have like 5 more assignment of programming to submit before the finals. The choice that i should made is pretty obvious, to say 'no' but like a idiot and just because she was a dear friend of mine, i said 'yes' and i'll wait for her. She smiled and said that she will see me soon. That moment, all i want is to see her smile and feel all excited to hang out with me.

So, after having lunch with my friends and hanging out at sunway pyramid for alittle while longer, they all went back home and i left myself there at sunway pyramid alone waiting for the time to past. I went over to Mcd, turn on my computer and start doing something programming instead of wasting time. While i was doing programming, at the same time i was imaging what awesome things that we could talk about when we hang out later? How much of a good time we can both have during that short couple of hours? I was really making my self excited.

Around 7pm, i left Mcd with a pretty hungry stomach (i know i just had lunch with my friends but i become hungry very quickly) but i was expecting a dinner with her at the moment. I started walking around sunway pyramid alone cause i didnt want to hang out around Adidas to pressure her or make myself look like a stalker. Plus, i remembered she said that after work around 6pm she have to attend a friend's birthday at TGIFridays. After the birthday, she said she would call and then come and hang out with me. So, i told myself not to rush so much, just hang out around sunway until she calls.

It was 8pm and i was still waiting alone. I told myself, "Its okay, its a birthday event, i wouldnt end that fast. Plus, its malaysia time so the event probably would start later.". I continue waited.. Then it was 9pm and that point i was start to get hungry but still no phone calls from her. Again, i told myself "Its okay, she will call she said she would. Again, its a birthday party event. It wouldnt end that early. Just keep waiting." So, i continue waiting.. until 9.30pm, i started to get alittle worried.

Im travelling back home by bus and at the time like 9.30pm its pretty difficult to get a bus ride back home, plus its kinda dangerous. I lied to my parents telling them that im stay back at my uni with my bunch of friends doing our programming assignments.. even with the lies, my parents are still very worried. So, i decided to call her. After giving her 3 miss calls which obviously she didnt pick up, i decided to give it another try and wait for another 30minutes. I was hoping that she saw the miss calls and called me back when she notice it. Even if shes out of credit, i was really hoping that she could borrow a phone from a friend to call me back or something. So stupidly me, i kept on waiting..

It was 10pm, i didnt want to leave the place without telling her good bye or something. So i gave her another call.. After about 8 miss calls, she still hasnt pick up her phone neither did she call back. At that point, i completely lost my patience and decided to held back home.. alone, without seeing her and with a empty stomach. I waited for the bus until 10.30pm, head back to KJ station around 11pm, called my parents to pick me up and finally reached home around 11.20pm. My parents scold me for staying back so late and troubling them and i have cook my own dinner..

Before going to bed, i tell myself.. maybe she would have saw the number of miss calls by now. So I waited.. and waited and waited.. Hopefully i would get a phone call back or a text message.. Hoping that she would apologize and give me an explanation.. I wait and wait and wait.. in the end i feel asleep. The next morning when i wake up, i immediately check my phone and still there are no message. I was angry and pissed (should have felt that way earlier) so i send her a text message, telling her that i've been giving her phone calls and waited at sunway alone unitl 10pm.

After awhile, she finally replied a message around afternoon time, after one of my class ended. She apologize and said that she didnt pick up the phone cause it was in vibrate mode and she didnt reply or call me is  because her phone has no more credit. It was both the reason that i've predicted.. I was angry and furious. I have a million of things that i want to tell her. But just because she was someone dear to me.. i didnt scold her or tell her how did i actually feel. Instead, i send her a message saying "Its okay..".

Pretty sad story eh? This kind of things usually happens to me. (i really dunno why) If you were in my shoes, how would you have reacted? Will you burst into flames and told her off or you do the same thing that i did? This is just one of those things that happen to me, but this is probably the most serious one that i ever had.

When i told my friends about this, they gave themselves a big nice face palm and said that im very naive. Just because that person is a girl or that person is someone special to me, i shouldnt just like give in. Its not like they will give a damn about how you feel anyways. They will most probably wont put the effort to find out or figure out as well. It will only end up hurting myself again and again and again.. They said that i should fight back, express myself, give them alittle taste on how i feel. That way people wouldnt simply take advantage of you and know that your not the kind of guy that they should simply mess with.

Lets say you planned to go out with someone, and she says yes.. you are sooo pumped about it and you cant wait for that time to come! But when the time come, the very last minute, she said that she couldnt make it due to some reason.. All she did was a valid reason.. what would you react to? Me? i'll probably say the word "Its okay.."

Or maybe a text message that was not replied, like lets say both of you are having a nice conversation and your at the point that your actually enjoying to have conversation with her, then suddenly she just stops replying. And you yourself kept on wondering what have you done wrong? So, you flip back the message that you send and read it over and over and over again. You realized you didnt write anything funny or wrong,  what did you do next? You wait.. and wait.. and wait.. and wait.. every 5 minutes you will check your phone over and over and over again.. cause you know, your desperate.

The next morning, you went to school and you bumped into her. She didnt say anything about the text conversation that you all had last night and you both just did your 'hi' and 'bye' thing and continue on with the direction that your walking. You will then start thinking of all the possibilities that why she didnt reply you. Did you REALLY write something wrong but didnt notice it yourself? Did she forgotten about the nice conversation that both of you had last night? More and more possibilities are running through your head.. In the end, you just tell youself "Its okay.." and let the recycle repeat itself..

Im afraid to do those 'Go scold her in her face and let her know how you feel' kind of things cause im afraid that i might offend someone or hurt someone. Words sometimes can really hurt.. But come to think of it. Maybe i should have my own stand. Maybe i should fight back. Maybe I should say something else instead of saying "Its okay..". Cause its not like the person will reply back a message and say "Im so sorry, lemme make it up to you" or something like that.. No, they never did! And thats really annoys me! After that, they will most probably never text or call back anymore. And its true what my friends said, its not like they really give a damn or put in the effort to know how did i feel.

One of the reasons why i dont 'fight back' or something similar to these kind of things, its because i believe in being nice guy. I believe that if your nice, you dont complain much, you dont expect anything, you will have something in return. And i always believe that there is definitely a reason behind these people are treating me these way. Maybe they are just as naive and lost as i am? Maybe they are doing it un-intentional? Maybe they really dont know i actually feel that way? Maybe i just be nice to them, they will treat me better? Maybe that way they would wanna talk or hang out to with me next time? Those are the things that i keep telling myself. But after going through all of these over and over again.. Im starting to doubt that, maybe nice people really do finish last.. my confidence of being a nice guy is slowly fading away or maybe, im just not a nice guy to being with? (which im most probably am not a nice guy)

Im really sorry that my blog spot sounds extremely emotional lately. I swear i dont mean it but these things just keep happening to me and i just really wanna let it out and let the world know about it. Some of you guys are probably annoyed of all these emo emo blog post. I sincerely apologize. I swear there are some cheerful which are still under draft mode in my blog list. I guess i just blog faster and better when i emo. Hopefully, something good will happen and i get to blog about it. Hopefully. XP

CHEERS~ XD

Words of False Hopes

This has nothing to do with the blog post but it look soo emo that it kinda suits what im about to talk about right here. Okay, im putting it here cause it adorable. XD

Back to the main topic here.. So, does the title sounds familiar? Maybe the name Chris Medina rings a bell? Or the words "What are words if you really dont mean them when you say them.."? You guys have probably enough clue on what im about to talk here. If you guys dont, please go youtube and search for the song 'What are Words'. Thank You. XP

I always tell myself dont trust sweet and comforting words from other people.. Sometimes i dont even trust if the words are coming from someone who is close to me. Cause those words are usually and almost never true to me. (that is just my opinion) Like someone said "I miss You.." or "Nice talking to you." I just dont feel the sincere-ilty unless the person who says it actually proves it. If you cant prove it, i'll most probably give you the "Yeah.. right.." impression. How are you going to prove it? Honestly, i dont even know myself. Im a pretty demanding and picky person. XP

Sometimes it doesnt really need to be nice and sweet words, normal words will do.. Okay, normal words are too general.. Narrow it down, agreements like "Will talk to you again soon" or "Lets do this more often." or "I'll see you next time." or "I'll call you soon." or "I'll make it up to you" (i can find these kind of examples all day) These kind of words gives me the "Yeah.. Right.." Impression as well.. cause usually those things just dont happen.. Some people just dont say mean what they say!

Believing in these kind of words usually just brings false hopes. Cause you would actually expect something in return. Like for example, if the person says "Will take to you again soon.." and you'll be silly sitting down at the corner everyday, staring down at your phone, telling yourself, "He says his going to talk to me again.. im sure he will talk to me soon.. soon.. soon.." and after that, you wait and wait and wait and wait.. in the end, the fella really didnt talk to you anymore. Hopes crush, Lost Trust and BOMB thats how drama happens. XD

I dont blame anyone or anything neither am I pointing fingers cause sometimes, even i do that too. (chehhh..) You cant please every single person who exist in your life. You dont wanna spoil them of course! Plus, we are already in our age where things starts to get really really busy and all. Some of us are already working and some of us, like me myself is too busy with uni stuffs.. there is really no time to catch up and all.. Sometimes, we just gotta be understanding..

But still, words is a power weapon.. People who are sensitive (like me) will totally buy in to those kind of words at desperate moments. Sometimes, the little soft and desperate side of me just wanna take in those words and believe in it.. And when i take those words in and give myself the jolly good time of having false hopes (sarcasm), of course i will feel freaking depressed. But I just gotta blame myself for buying into those nice and sweet words..

Stupid enough.. I keep waiting and waiting and waiting..

But that doesnt mean that you dont do what you say okay!? Dont take advantage of understand people! Like what the song says.. "What are words if you really dont mean them when you say them?"

If I ever did do something like that.. I hereby apologize to any of you.. and HOPEFULLY, i cant make it up to you guys. (please dont believe in my words.) I might have been one of the victims but when i say things that really comes deep down from my heart, i mean it.. its really up to you whether you wanna believe it or not. X)

Im getting really tired and if some of you guys are starting to lose interest or starting to not understand anything that im bloggin about, i totally understand.. cause sometimes, i dont understand what im writting here as well. XP

CHEERS!! XD