When was the last time that you ever hear anyone came to you and said "Good Job" or "Well Done"? Mine vanished a long long time ago.. That is probably why small little praise from anyone would make me very happy. X)
Just like raising in any normal chinese family.. my family tends to be alittle bit more greedy when it comes to achievement. You get good grade, they want better. You get better grades, they want you to be get the best grade.Those kind of things. You understand what im saying?
Just this semester, I got back my exams results and i was so satisfy with it. Not only the subject that i worked so hard scored extremely well, my other subjects scored better than i expected and not to mention i manage to keep my scholarship because i manage to meet the requirements.. I told everyone including my friends and family.. None of them responded to anything i said.. My mom and dad just went "Mmm mmm" and "Okay la..", my brother went "Like that only ah?" and my friends went "You can do better than that one la..". Not a single "Good Job" or "Well Done" or "Congrats" or even a sarcastic "Good for You.." i've heard all day..
Its not the first time that this ever happen to me.. it happen to me quite a number of time already.. for SPM, for my foundation results, for my uni first semester grade (which i did extremely well) and for my second semester results..
Sometimes i tend to escape myself into the virtually reality world where people and even complete strangers would actually praise me for what i did. You know, when you play online games, u manage to support ur team very well and they will say "Good Job". OR when you blog about something nice people will comment and say "Awesome blog post man!". AND even took a good picture or did something amazing on facebook, facebook friends will "like" that page/video/picture. Yeah, im that desperate and sad..
Its these little praise that kept one person going.. its these little compliments that make one person feel alittle bit more happier.. its these little small words that make one person feel wanted.. its these little things that can make one person feel hoped & loved again..
Its just one of these things that kept me wondering.. When will I ever feel loved again?? Alot of people (and practically everyone) says "Keep waiting.. im sure some day someone who will love you will come into your life.". I've been waiting.. waiting.. and waiting for alittle bit too long.. 10 years to long.. Im starting to think that this world is hopelessly cruel.. I took waaay to many bullets to the extent that im starting to think this pity life that im living is unfair.. and seriously, there is no justice..
Am I emo right now? Damn right I am.. but really.. who would give a damn..
cheers? well not today..
我的世界看起来像什么都有.. 其实, 是什么都没有..